At my brothers wedding I was told repeatedly to make sure my brother ate breakfast because he has a nasty habit of skipping meals to the point of fainting. I was so caught up in making sure HE was fine, I forgot to eat anything myself. Which is why, at the crucial I do moment in the vows, the video shows everyone gasping as a thundering thump cracked through the air and my brother sprinted away from his bride. He wasnt leaving her at the altar; he was trying to help me off the floor that I collapsed onto. What made it worse? I grabbed a pair of silk Looney Tunes boxers to wear under my dress in an effort to stay warm, so my first words into the microphone were: Sh%t, did everyone just see my f*#%ing knickers? I needed 12 stitches and bled all over the brides dress, the altar, and the organ.
We DIY-ed our wedding invitations, and when I printed the RSVP cards, I gave our guests the option to choose what kind of meal they wanted. The choices were chicken, fish, beef, and child, as in a childrens meal of chicken nuggets and fries. About 20% of our guests took that as we were serving actual children at our wedding, and had a field day with their responses. One guest actually RSVPd with a picture of Hannibal Lecter photoshopped into a wedding dress.
When I was 11, I was asked to be a flower girl in a family friends wedding. I was thrilled to be given such an important job, but I was extremely nervous. The big day arrived, and I made my way down the aisle tossing petals with no mishaps. However, I guess I was still a bit anxious and I locked my knees during the ceremony; instead of passing out, I ended up vomiting in the middle of the ceremony. I fortunately spared the 300 guests the sight of my puking by running out of the side door just in time, only to be told later that everyone still heard me. On top of it all, I sufficiently ruined my favorite dress that I was wearing, so my Aunt took me to Sears to buy something else. I was known for many years to come as the little pukey flower girl.
At my sisters wedding, my mothers cousin was the man who put the garter around my leg (mind you, he is 40 years older than me). Not only did he push it up way higher than what was appropriate, but he kept trying to go further up my leg. I was trying to smile for the cameras and had to mutter under my breath to him: Im not wearing underwear! I wanted to die.
In college, I went to a wedding as the date of a bridesmaid. After downing several margaritas at the reception, I discovered a champagne fountain in the corner of the room, and the rest of the night went downhill very quickly. The night could not end until I danced with the mothers of the bride and groom and invited them both back to our hotel for an after-party. After all of my dancing goals were accomplished and the reception ended, we headed back to the hotel for the after-party. I was severely trashed. There was a knock on our hotel room door, and to everyones surprise, it was the mother of the groom. After a few awkward moments, she eventually took body shots off of me while her husband waited outside the door.
At my very traditional college roommates wedding to her high school sweetheart, the father of the bride and I took one too many tequila shots together, then hit the dance floor. After a few spins to a fast song, he lost his balance and started falling down, taking me with him. He didnt just fall to the floor though he hit a table and a chair on his way down, got a huge gash on his forehead, and was taken to the hospital for stitches. Needless to say, that was the end of the reception and the friendship.
I was the maid of honor in my best friends wedding. The wedding was outdoors and was held on what I swear was the hottest day in May. During the ceremony, the wedding party stood on a dock that went out over a pond. About five minutes into the ceremony, my vision started to blur. The next thing I knew, the brides dad ran up to the dock and caught me just before I passed out. I then spent the rest of the ceremony sitting in a stupid chair on the dock. When I went to stand up to walk back down the aisle I almost fainted again, so the best man ended up carrying me back down the aisle. Now, every single party that my friend throws, everyone recognizes me as the girl who passed out at the wedding.
I got food poisoning from something I ate at our rehearsal dinner. I spent the entire day alternately throwing up and chugging ginger ale. During the reception, my brother leaned over and made a joke to my sister about how I must be pregnant if I wasnt drinking at my own wedding. My mother-in-law overheard this and subsequently, I had wedding guests coming up to me every five minutes asking me if I had a bun in the oven. Thanks, bro.
A few months back I was the officiant in a friends wedding. The groom, groomsmen, and I all met at a local bar before the wedding and took shots to loosen up the groom. I showed up at the reception extremely buzzed, and being your typical white guy, the wobble came on and I needed to educate people on how to do it. As I made my way onto the dance floor, I slipped on the wedding cake. Not thinking anything was wrong when I could no longer stand, I pulled the flask I received as a gift out of my pocket and continued drinking. Well, it turned out I couldnt walk, so my friends called 911, and I was taken for X-rays. I broke my fibula and had a compound fracture on my ankle, which required surgery as soon as possible. I refused because I was in another wedding the next day, but I ultimately had no choice. I still havent had cake since that day.
The first wedding I ever went to was for my ex-boyfriends close friend. I was 19 years old and there was an open bar, so I fetched myself a drink every 15 minutes or so. I mixed liquor, beer, and wine needless to say, I ended up getting extremely wasted. I danced like an idiot on the dance floor and then, from what I can only guess was alcohol poisoning, passed out right there. My boyfriend carried me to a room at the hotel, and I eventually woke up a hot, hungover mess. I was in a bed while my boyfriend was sleeping on a chair in the corner, and when he woke up, he informed me that the bride and groom generously gave us their honeymoon suite so I could sleep it off. I was so embarrassed that we rushed out as fast as I could get him to move. I ruined their wedding night.
I was given a job as the person who holds the umbrella for the bride, since it was a really hot day and the brides side had to walk to the ceremony. Well, I somehow managed to fall down on a rock, and I ripped the brides gown, which cost $2,000. I also sprained my ankle and both of my legs and had extreme road burn. The people were more concerned about the bride than the girl who fell down and was possibly dead. Now I have scars on my knees.
I had a traditional Turkish wedding, which involves a more genuinely Turkish ceremony called a kina (a kina equates to a standard western wedding reception). On the wedding day, I took one muscle relaxer because I broke my pinkie toe a few days before (I was left wearing Adidas sandals for the entirety of my wedding). Perhaps the nerves finally got to me, but during the part when it is customary for guests to shake hands with the bride and groom and pin money to them, I blacked out. I halfheartedly tugged at my husbands jacket for a few minutes until I completely fell down and was taken into a private room. It wouldnt have been so bad if it didnt happen a SECOND time, fainting in the middle of the dance floor. I dismantled my corset and vomited. I spent the rest of the night smiling broadly and constantly fanning myself in a chair.
A disabled older gentleman on the brides side of the family accidentally pooped himself, and Im the one who discovered it because I stepped in it.