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3/20/2019 3:53:52 AM

This Guy Isn`t Having Sex Tonight. But The Reason Why Is Hilarious.

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, `I don`t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.`

I said, `WHAT??!! What was that?!`

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

`You`re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.`

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, `Can`t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?`

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

this guy isn t having sex tonight but the reason why is hilarious

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn`t decide which one to take, so I told her we`d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, `Lets get a pair for each outfit.`

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn`t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, `That`s fine, honey.` She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, `I think this is all dear, let`s go to the cashier.`

this guy isn t having sex tonight but the reason why is hilarious

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, `No honey, I don`t feel like it.`

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, `WHAT?`

I then said, `Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You`re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.`

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, `Why can`t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?`

Apparently I`m not having sex tonight.

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