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8/10/2020 9:13:13 PM

16 First Date Texts That Wont Lead To A Second

asian town

Here`s a tip for all you about to embark on a first date, or those who are trying to keep the flame of a new love alive: spellcheck, don`t eat before you go on a date just so you can save money, and avoid spandex. 

You`re welcome.

"When you smile, you get the cutest nipples on your cheeks."

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I often do this on the first date. It weeds out the candidates who can and cannot handle the weird.

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Find her most unique physical quality (i.e. red hair), stare her straight in the eyes and say...

"I`m not into the `trade` anymore, but redheads usually have a high bidding price on the open market."

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Delete your hard drive. Delete your F****** HARD DRIVE NOW!

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"Hello, hospital? This is an overly concerned first date looking for the whereabouts of a female I one day hope to wed."

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Promptly send selfie of entire store and all staff and customers blowing him kisses.

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I`ve been arrested for less.

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"Why did we meet at Olive Garden if you already ate?"

"...because everyone knows where Olive Garden is. Obviously."

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That`s nothing to be ashamed of.

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Her or the dog?

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Points for brutal honesty.

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Barf bag flowers, eh? Duly noted.

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Yeah...I`m gonna need that coffee money back.

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This would never ever get tiring.

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Walked right into that terrible joke.

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Getting blackout drunk IS a thing! Now you know better.

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And of course, that first date text to your friend...

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